It is a beautiful day outside, the sun is shining, the birds are chirping. Yet inside my head I do not feel well. I have been experiencing a lot of anxiety lately. I feel as though there is a constant struggle just to stop the anxious feelings from running my life. I am always doubting myself, always thinking about what other people think. Some days I feel fantastic, as though I am a genius and have a purpose in life. But other days I have a hard time even getting out of bed. As you can probably imagine, this makes school a very difficult time. Not because of the work and the topics, but on an interpersonal level. My marks are amazing, yet I am only working at 50% of my effort. My mood changes so drastically. I need to get an outsider’s opinion on me, someone who really knows me, whoever this person is, they will give me direction. That is what I am looking for, direction. As you can get from my writings, I ramble, please bear with it, I promise you a message will come out of this.

The other day I heard a story that really made me think. It is tragic and scary. I cannot recall his name, but he went to high school with a friend of mine. We will call him “John”. John was a star athlete, a top scholar, President of the student council, and well liked by all of his peers. His grades gained him a full scholarship to Harvard. He was going to be someday. Until within 3 months of attending school he was found in his room. He committed suicide by hanging. This story really made me think about many things, especially the thought that no matter what someone looks like, acts like on the outside, inside their mind could be extremely different. Its really scary actually.

But my mind is drifting now, I must go and try to relax. I will explain some of my relaxation and calming techniques later.